Yes, it’s been a while guys! But I’ve been a bit busy to say the least!
Maternity leave has come to a close. Didn’t think that day would come to be honest and now I’m slowing returning back to work. For a long time I dreaded the day so much. Leaving my wee girl at home with her father or Grandparents….I couldn’t imagine it, I didn’t WANT to imagine it. The dread, the sadness, the anxiety!
I’ve only worked a could days so far and at first I had a lot of anxiety being away from Lily, she’s never far from my mind! What’s she doing? oh it must be nap time, lunch time, walk time etc. But I enjoyed those two days. It was something for me, all just for me. Lockdown hasn’t been easy for many people I know but it really has made me not miss socialising but also wanting to socialise!? Eugh I know. I have been lucky to spend so much time with Lily and enjoy every moment. Watching her grow and see her reaching so many milestones but in the same breath I yearn for a moments peace. Work, however much I dread having to go back gives ME something. Adult conversation, taking my mind off anything baby, different clothes….basically not being Mummy for a day. Is that bad? I feel guilty for thinking that way sometimes. I don’t regret motherhood, it is my dream come true but I often find myself these days really looking forward to work or the opportunity to get a shift.
Work is a release. An escape from the same routine I’ve been in for just over 9 months. Plus you stick Covid on top of that and you’ve got even more cabin fever! So when you do get a free day and Daddy is watching Lily there isn’t really much to do, no real hobbies, no work, saving the pennies…so work is really the only OUT I’ll get. I admit it does get me down? You know? You can find yourself losing yourself. I think the last month that’s how I’ve felt. I feel like I’m losing myself and have to constantly remind myself I am more than just a Mum. I think heading back to work will mentally give me back balance in my life. Plus I can finally feel useful and earn some cash monies! That’s a whole other topic. Feeling like I can’t contribute like I used to. So then that drags you back to being just a mum and not an equal financial provider….So I feel like I’ve lost independence, lost old me, lost being able to work full time. But I have to look on the bright side. I have also gained a beautiful little girl who I’d do anything for and have the worlds most supportive partner.
Let me say this, I am not complaining about my life. Its perfect and I couldn’t have asked for more but there are days I don’t feel myself. I just don’t feel like me. Who am I, what am I doing with my life, what will the future hold? No one ever warns you after becoming a mother that you could face this and how you can cope with these thoughts and feelings. Life has changed for the better, it’s just going to take me time to find a new balance. And to be honest, just writing this has been a release!
I am sure there are lots of mothers out there who can relate? How do you balance everything? What was returning to work like for you?
I’ve met a lot of people in my life but there are few that really leave a memorable print in my heart. Who are they you ask? Well, I won’t name them all but Nicolle Sharkey is one of them. I will not go into detail about how we met and why because it doesn’t really matter, what matters is the imprint she left on me. I’m not even sure she knows any of this! But she will now! Surprise Nicolle!
I was a child when I met Nicolle but I vividly remember this beautiful blue-eyed blonde bombshell of a woman with the brightest face and kindest smile. I was in awe….I guess as a young girl you look at older women and try to imagine what you’d be like when you’re their age? We may have only exchanged a few words but I took notice of how she moved and interacted with people. She was so nice! That word is not even the right word to describe her…she just seemed like a kind soul. The last time I saw her without children was at a family gathering to say Goodluck to her and Jules (her partner) as they were moving Australia. That brings me to what this blog is about today. It’s about Nicolle and her partners journey with IVF (Invitro fertilization).
Nicolle is 39, she started her own business in 2020, specialising in keeping children safe through injury prevention education to new and expectant parents. She is also a mum of two beautiful girls Ivy (5) and Aria (2).
Nicolle always wanted to be a mum in her mid 30s after establishing a career first and looking at all their options. She wanted to be a mum when the time was right and with the right person. She knew Jules was that person and because they were both family orientated, it was only a matter a time before they would start one of their own. But let me start off with a little love story first.
Nine years ago, the couple were staying at a dreamy hotel called The Witchery in Edinburgh and Nicolle felt like Royalty. On their last day there, breakfast was served in their room and boom! Jules got down on one knee and asked Nicolle to marry her. There were tears of joy and Nicolle of course said YES!! Nicolle says “It may be the longest engagement in history because we have done so much before a wedding….” It’s a milestone they still wish to reach and hopefully it happens in the next year or so as Australia has now legalised same-sex marriages (I mean sure took your time Australia!).
But back to those wee girls. How did these two precious miracle babies come to be? You go it – IVF. At the time, Nicolle and Jules were living on The Sunny Coast in Queensland, Australia where specialists in IVF were located. All they needed to do was A LOT of research and find their perfect clinic and doctor. When they settled on all that, the first step in their journey was counselling, then “it was all systems go”! They discussed menstrual cycles, medication, healthy eating and so much more! The entire process took Nicolle and Jules over a year as their first attempt wasn’t successful. There were ups and downs in their journey, but they were determined! In the end, their determination paid off and they got the news they always wanted. Nicolle was pregnant with their first, it was exciting and surreal all at once!
Two years later they embarked on that same journey all over again as they wanted Ivy to have a sibling. Two years and 9 months later they were blessed again with another beautiful girl named Aria. Nicolle says, “we still can’t believe the miracle that is procreation and that we have two healthy little girls that we absolutely adore”.
Together for 16 years, Nicolle and Jules have been through so much but their greatest achievement is becoming parents. They are still learning and having children has taught them a lot about themselves and what kind of life they want to create for their girls.
Nicolle makes clear the process is emotionally challenging with highs and lows, but everyone’s situation is different. If you are surrounded by love and support like they were, then it’s nothing like you’ve ever experienced. “So, if you are seeking treatment for a baby, do it whatever the outcome may be. If you end up with a miracle baby in your arms, then it’s worth everything you’ve gone through”.
After everything they have been through, Nicolle and Jules now lead a simple and settled life. They are a family of strong-willed girls!
I end this blog with a quote by Nicolle which I don’t want to reword. It’s perfect just as she wrote it.
“The last 5 years have gone by so fast and I have come to learn that some of the simple things in life, like going to the park or just being together are the most important things in life”.
You can find information about Safe Start Australia at:
I thought I’d write about self-love. My partner and baby have just gone out for a long walk to the beach and I was a bit indecisive about going with them. Why?
I love spending time with my girl, even when I’m exhausted. Being around her and playing with her fills me with so much love and happiness! Also she needs the stimulation, to learn, grow and continue developing on the right path. It’s Saturday and my partner isn’t working so he always spends a lot of time with her at the weekends, which she LOVES. A lot of laugher , games and kisses! So during the time their spending together, I finally get a chance to do a few things….uninterrupted.
I so wanted to go with them, see her enjoy the beach and spend time as a family. BUT. I also wanted some alone time. My heart was pulled in both directions. I miss her already and it’s only been about 15 minutes haha I had to take a minute and think, I need time for myself even if it’s just a couple of hours. It may seem like an obvious and easy choice but for me it’s hard. I hate missing out! FOMO much?!
Self-love. Choosing time for yourself is giving yourself self-love. I mentally need it. It’s a lot, taking care of a baby. I am a constant entertainer and milk provider. I’m tired….maybe even a little exhausted. That is the honest truth. Taking care of a baby is exhausting. In between early mornings, play time, feeding, walks and the odd house duty – there is not enough time in the day!! You know they say “sleep when your baby sleeps”. Yeah I can see where they are coming from but honestly…is that REALLY realistic. There are other things I do when she has her 30-40 minutes naps. Shower, wash the bottles, do a few dishes, do the laundry, hang up the laundry, put away the laundry, hoover…it’s never ending and constant. Now I’m not complaining, it is what it is but it’s exhausting. Where can I find time to sleep? It takes me 15 minutes to fall asleep and by the time I do that she’s awake! haha So yeah, a nap isn’t always going to be realistic for me. I think it takes time, to get used to juggling so many things and I’ll get there but right now I’m tired.
So, weekends really are my times that I get to have a few hours to do what I want. That’s why today I chose to stay home. Just sat here, in silence, wind blowing through the windows, sippin’ on a coffee and writing this. I will have a cheeky nap later too! YAY! Can’t wait to be all cosy in bed….ahhh yesssssssssssss!
P.s. I wouldn’t change my life for the world. I love my daughter, she is my world but mamma needs some down time too. I can only be the best for her if I feel my best. So taking a couple hours to myself lets my brain and body relax, recharge the batteries so I’m ready for another week of fun! And it is fun, watching her grow, laugh and explore! It’s the best….well I think everything she does is the best really!
Self-love isn’t just taking care of yourself physically but also mentally. I struggle with anxiety and feeling overwhelmed when things become too much. Then I panic and stress more and more and it gets my mood down. It took me many years to try to change my mentality. I had to really learn that sometimes there isn’t a need to stress so much, things will be fine and some things aren’t even worth stressing about. I know that when I’m tired, I’m grumpy and grumpy me is a stressed me. That’s not good for me, my baby or partner ( bless him ). So these quiet times to myself allow me to reflect and breath.
What also helps is having a great partner. He is the best thing in my life (apart from Lily). I am so supported and loved. He even TELLS me go sleep! I’ve got her, she’s fine! I need that sometimes, I get so caught up in being a mamma that I need him to snap me out of “mamma mode”. You know? I admit, I sometimes don’t listen haha I can’t help it, I just want to do everything, I’m not forced by any means but I just can’t help it. When Lily came into this world I wanted to do everything, even if I was overwhelmed and exhausted. I am still learning that I need to let him take over sometimes. You can’t change how you think over night, it’s a mental process but I’m trying.
I am lucky to have such a supportive partner who even, when I’m moody as hell, tries to make me laugh or even tells me off. I need that!!
I feel like I’ve digressed a little….right self-love. Mental health.
Yes. It is so important to make time for yourself. You feel so much better after it. I know I do. Let your other half help or family or friends! You can’t do everything ALL the time, even if you think you can. Ask for help, there is no shame in that.
So mammas, dads…remember. I try to keep this in mind too – Don’t ever feel guilty for wanting some time away from your baby. You need it, you deserve it. It doesn’t mean you love your little one(s) any less. For them to be at their best, you need to be at your best. Ask for help if you need it!
Do you have any tips and trick on how to decompress? What do you when you have some alone time? Let me know 🙂
So you’ve found out you’re pregnant and your baby brain has wandered onto the topic of “S0…are there things that I cant eat for the next 9 +months?!” ( P.s. yes…you’re not actually pregnant for 9 months. Pregnancy is calculated from the last day of a womans’ menstrual cycle rather than the day of conception, which is usually around 2 weeks later…either way it felt like 100 years!)
Let me help you out there, I’ve made a quick list to help that tired body and mind baby mamma. ( All information is from the NHS guidelines)
CHEESE, MILK AND OTHER DAIRY
They contain something called Listeria and can cause and infection called listeriosis…yeah…basically bad stuff that can get you very ill, lead to a possible miscarriage, stillbirth or make your baby very poorly. Soft skinned cheese = moisture = bacteria love moisture.
Mould ripened soft cheeses with a white coating on the outiside. Like Brie and goats cheese. You know that weird coating you see and you’re unsure if you’re even supposed to eat that normally?!?!
Blue cheeses – those stinky fart ones! Unless you serve it burning hot and are willing to risk melting your mouth off.
Unpasteurised milk AND cheeses. Just buy it from the shops, that’s all pasteurised….don’t go milking a bloody cow, goat or sheep for milk to drink. But can you? Hmmm I think I need to ask a farmer…
MEAT AND POULTRY
Be Careful with – cold cured meats – salami, parma ham,chorizo, pepperoni you get my drift. All the tasty things that go on a pizza basically! YUMMY! PIZZA…anyway I digress!
Avoid raw and undercooked meat. Goodbye rare steaks and meats. Noooooooo
Liver and Liver products
Veggie and meat pate
Game meats like goose, pigeon, pheasant etc because they can contain led shots ( I don’t eat game birds anyway so that one didn’t bother me)
Basically – Toxoplasmosis = BAD. It can cause miscarriages.
Raw or partially cooked eggs. Just cook the crap out of them, boil them to death!! No more eggy soldiers 😦 I missed them so much and there’s only so many boiled eggs you’re willing to eat. Look for the Red Lion Stamp on them if you live in the UK, they-re less likely to contain Salmonella.
Salmonella isn’t going to hurt your baby but can give you food poisoning and NOBODY wants that.
FISH AND SHELLFISH
Basically you can east raw fish BUT you have to make sure it’s been frozen first and I honestly think you can’t always be sure of the packing process so I’d just be careful there. Shellfish be careful as well if not cooked properly as they may contain bacteria as well and can give you foodpoisoning.
Tuna – try to limit the amount of tuna consumed. Aim for about 4 medium sized tins or less a week. I honestly don’t know anyone who would eat that much tuna anyway but Hey, each to their own! They also contain high levels of mercury which may lead to a miscarriage.
No alcohol…ok let’s be realistic. A couple sips won’t do you or your baby any harm I think. It’s personal choice but I’d rather be safe than sorry.
Reduce caffeine intake…don’t go having your usual 5-6 coffees a day, have 3….be realistic.
Try to avoid eating peanuts during pregnancy ( all to do with allergies..have yet to understand that myself so I need to do some more research!!)
Everything else is safe to eat.
Just be careful. There’s so much to remember though so mistakes happen. On holiday in Portugal I ate about 3 slices of baguette with pate before I panicked about it and realised I wasn’t supposed to be eating it. I was fine, I didn’t get ill and I had a healthy baby.
These are all guidelines. You do you. We are all from different backgrounds, cultures, beliefs and religions. Don’t ever let someone tell you what you can and can’t do BUT please listen and take it all in. Know your facts and do research if it helps put your mind at ease.
How easy is it to get Pregant?This is a question I found myself crazily googling when we decided to start trying for a baby. The amount of information on the internet is insane. I found so much information my brain went in to overdrive and I felt overwhelmed. There was contradicting information and so many “techniques” that people tried as well as thousands of science based articles on the topic.
But me? I scanned through a few and then went back to my old friends Youtube because, it was just easier to watch real life mums speak about their experiences rather than reading a biological journal on conception from Dr. somebody. Sorrryyyy youtube is life!
But how easy is it? I found out that on average it takes about 6 months to a year for a woman under 35 to fall pregnant so as you get older, that percentage slowly decreases. Perfect. I was in the prime of my biological life so that made me feel a bit more confident. Now, i’m not someone who was going “ I want a baby this second or by this date I want to be pregnant”, so I knew this journey might take take it’s time and I was prepared for that. I was prepared for a few months of negative pregnancy results however heart wrenching they might have been. However, I was one of the very lucky and blessed mothers to fall pregnant – instantly. How you ask? What did I do?
I followed some very simple steps. I got off the pill first and was off it almost 2 weeks. During that time I downloaded apps about tracking my ovulation and potential peak times that I would be at my most fertile. I started taking pre-conception tablets because why not? If they helped, they helped! I tried to eat healthy, drink more water and I was active for my job so that was a bonus!
If you’re a guy reading this then you’re probably all going….what in the world is she talking about? Yes. Us woman do all these kinds of stuff, even if we have no idea what its all about but we still may know more about the process than you because we are research machines ha! ( not all men obviously, sure there are loads our these devoted to the process as much as their partners!!). I took all this with a pinch of salt though. Yes I was tracking all this and trying to be healthy, but I was still unsure if putting in my personal details in a app would tell me exactly when I was at my highest conception point and if taking supplements were doing anything? I still don’t know the answer to be honest.
When it came to this process my mindset was ” If it happens it happens and when my body is ready for a baby it will happen”. I think I needed this mentality otherwise I would have driven myself insane! I read it can take time for your body to reset itself after coming off birth control so I always kept that in mind too.
In my case, the app was correct or at least I think so?? And my body was ready!
We were like many couples out there during the 2 weeks wait – tense! Waiting and waiting for the 14 day mark to see if that pregnancy test showed that blue +.
My partner was working away at the time and I tell you…it made the wait even harder!! Being at home alone with your own thoughts and overthinking every twinge you felt in your stomach was overwhelming. Men are so different to us women, they are calm, cool and collected… most of the time. Us women are so emotional and when it comes to something like this we may find ourselves in overdrive. There’s some sort of hidden pressure of “ I’m a woman, I was created for this, that’s what I’m biologically made to do – reproduce!“. Maybe there isn’t a societal pressure but I certainly felt that way.
But let me tell you this…I knew I was pregnant. I just knew it before I even took the test. Something in my body told me I was. I can’t describe the feeling really, it’s a feeling I never felt before but I KNEW! Motherly instincts already?? I was optimistic for the results when the day came but I tried to stay calm and brace myself for a negative result.
My parrnter was coming home after working away, so that morning I took a test- as that’s when your hormones are supposedly at their peak. I didn’t look (as much as I wanted to!) and put it back it the box so we could look at the results together when he got home. I went to work and I work very long hours so the day dragged even more than it usually did. Ughhhhhh. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, I felt off tilt! Then the time came. Work was finished, he was home….this was bloody it. Was this the moment our lives would change forever? Or was this going to be our first “It’s okay, we’ll try again next month” scenario.
IT WAS POSITIVE! I burst into tears, tears of joy and love and happiness. I was filled with so much joy, my heart wanted to explode! Even though I felt I knew the outcome it still blew me away. But how!? I thought it was going to take at least 6 months!! It didn’t even matter at that point. All that mattered was that I was pregnant with my little chia seed…or not even that…just a ball of cells!
That’s when my life changed. The most magical day of our lives.
But as I write this and reflect on my journey, I think of all the family and friends that went through this process with many failed attempts. And so I ask again, how easy is it to get pregnant? It’s not. It’s actually a miracle. For something so small as a sperm to fight its way, allllllllllllllllll the way to the egg AND then try to fertilise it, it’s not easy.
I was just lucky. I really was. I know people go through months, years even of trying, trying everything and still not getting a positive result so I couldn’t be more thankful to my body for allowing us that miracle. I don’t know how I would have coped with negative result after negative result. I really feel for those who have had this experience, it must be heart wrenching and emotionally draining on them and their partners. To want something so much and have to wait for so long. I am sure when that positive came or is coming to you it will wipe all that sorrow you felt before. ❤
What was your story? What did you do to try to conceive? Howwere you feeling?
Contact me if you want and tell me your story. I am here to listen to anyone without judgment! The more stories we have the more we can connect with others who are in similar situations or who may be going through the process and want some real life stories to read about.
“Women should uplift other women, not tear them down, we are all going through something”
Is there a right timeto start a family?I’ve heard many opinions over the years about this and it wasn’t until around the beginning of 2019 that this question really came to mind and I found out I was expecting in 2020!
If you asked me if I wanted to have children, for most of my life the answer was NO. Why no you ask? Well, to be honest I’m not entirely sure but I can sure guess some reasons. I was young, free and had no major responsibilities. Why would I want to have a child? It was the last thing on my mind. I had a life full of adventure and excitement so why would I throw that all away for a responsibility for a lifetime? To my mothers dismay I kept saying no to her getting any grandchildren from me FOR YEARS….until I met Ally.
When I met Ally things changed, things got serious. We got together, got a flat together, everything was perfect…well…obviously I aint gunna sugar coat it we had our ups and downs like every other couple does but this relationship was different from any other I’d had in my adult life. Something clicked, it felt right.
I don’t think we ever talked about kids, maybe in a joking way. What would they look like hypothetically? My bushy hair, his nose? My awesome tan, his funny big toe? Those kinds of questions, the usual ones most people have. But cutting the story short and skipping past our super private moments ( ooo being all illusive now) we decided we’d try. I won’t speak for him cause this is all about me Haha but I felt I was FINALLY in a secure relationship. I found someone I loved and trusted, he was and is my best friend! I also thought ” I’m 28, yes I’m getting older but still not feeling too much pressure to have babies now but….”. Something changed in me instantly and I think Ally as well. What was it you ask?
I met Ally’s Neice. The first grandchild in both of our families. She was the cutest, little bundle of joy. After that meeting, something changed in me. You know the feeling? Where you start seeing babies everywhere, you pay more attention to friends and family posts about new babies arriving into this world. You may even find yourself looking at youtube videos at 3am about babies. Babies, babies, babies! What the heck was going on! I’d lost the plot.
So, after all my babbling, I finally get to the point of this blog. I asked myself “Is this a good time to start a family?” Secure relationship – CHECK. In love – CHECK Both want a baby – CHECK….. but…there’s always a BUT they say and I had many.
But I – wasn’t in my dream job
But I – hadn’t planned all my finances yet
But I – couldn’t drive yet ( still can’t due to well knowing I’d be growing to a round whale when I was learning….)
But – we don’t own a house yet!
But – I don’t know anything about babies!!! ( MAJOR STRESSED BUT )
But – I’m not married yet!
Oh Gosh so many more…BUT haha I decided that there was never really going to be a perfect time to have a baby for me. I’d recently been accepted to start a Dental Nursing course so what was I going to do. Set my career first? I know many people do. They want that financial security or they want their perfect job first or know they’re finally going to get that promotion they’ve been working so hard for! It makes sense to want all that, I don’t think it’s anyone’s right to tell you otherwise.
However, I’ve never been a person like that. Family means everything to me. I am close to my parents. It’s always been us 3. So, I finally decided in my mind….scary, silly, weird place btw hahah YESYESYESYESYES
I decided I didn’t care for the “perfect” time in my life to have a baby. I was so happy in my life at the time that a baby would only bring me more joy. And she has. Lily came into this world on the 29th of January 2020. My life isn’t perfect, it’s not where I want everything to be but I’ve got her and Ally. I’d make the same decision to start a family then, over and over and over again. The joy of watching my belly grow, feeling those first kicks, her hicupping away inside me, kicking me in the ribs ( ouch btw right!? ) and finally holding her in my arms on the day she was born wipes all those BUTs away. (My mum finally got her wish come true! )
Life’s a journey of many winding and bumpy roads. It was never going to be smooth sailing and now being a new Mum is a whole other story for which I will blog about here! That’s why I wanted to start this blog. To share my experiences with others, the highs, the lows, my thoughts and feelings about everything leading me up to now and discussin what the future may hold! Maybe you can relate? maybe you can’t but I’m excited to share many stories with you all! And I may even write up a few cheeky interviews with some mums I know!
COMING SOON : Interviews with real life mummies about when they decided to start a family and why!
Almost everyday we go to our local park to feed the ducks, swans,pigeons, angry seagulls, geese and 2 mental squirrels.
The two swans are mesmerising! They glide accross the water so gracefully, watching over their NOT so small young whilst trying to snap up any tasty morsels that may have overlooked by the seagulls.
Even in a city, Edinburgh has many pockets of greenery and mini habitats. It is so peaceful, despite all the squawking! A place to gather yourself and your thoughts. My local park is a place where I can breathe and clear my mind. A tired mind I might add, especially with an active 9 month old!
I love those sunny but slightly breezy days where your lungs are filled with cool crisp air and your cheeks are kissed by the small rays of sun peeking through the trees. Those are perfect days. Those are the days I yearn for, now that winter is creeping in!
Those kinds of days where life is just perfect. I looked down at my pram and my girl is sat quietly taking it all in and my heart smiles.
My local park, however small and maybe not too well kept has helped breath life back in to me sometimes. It’s the small things and places in life that can be just what you need to lift your spirits.
I only hope that you have a place like this, a place to re-centre yourself and find clarity.
TEETHING. I remember I was so excited for my daughter to get her teeth, to see her go from a gummy wee baby to a little vampire! The first 2 bottom teeth came through and it was a breeze, she didn’t give any signs of distress or pain. Phew. Boy were we glad! ” This is going to be a breeze if she’s this good now!”
Then the day came where another 2 teeth were emerging, and my partner and I were not as ready as we thought we were! Panic stations, going through the “checklist”, like many parents I’m sure. Nothing was soothing her, she was screaming at night, crying and clearly in a lot of pain.
We tried teething keys that were kept in the freezer for a bit, Baby Bonjela, Calpol (Baby Paracetamol), tried massaging her gums but that mouth was shut tight! During the day she was great, but we were struggling so much at night getting her to sleep without disruption. What on earth were we going to do? It was breaking my heart hearing her cry with such pain in her little voice. I shed a few tears, well many tears. As a first-time mum I felt wave after wave of thinking I cannot do this, why can’t I help my baby?
We decided we needed help; the pharmacist was our best option in regard to quickness. They told me to do all the things I had already done which was a bit disheartening because I did not know what else to do! We then discovered the magic that is baby teething powder! When I say it saved us, I mean it saved us all! We manage to get the powder on our daughters’ tongue, let it dissolve and after 10 minutes she was back to her normal self. We could not believe the effectiveness of the magical powder! She finally managed more milk from her bottle, some food and thankfully a full night’s sleep.
Since discovering “Ashton & Parsons Infant Teething Powder” we have not looked back! We now own about 10 teething rings/toys and the powder is ready and waiting for the next little toothy to appear! We spent about £50 in total for all the products bought and in the end something for £5 saved us.
I went clothes shopping today. Not for myself but for Lily as in 2 weeks she will be 6 months old already! Time is flying by and she is growing and growing. Some of her clothes, such as t-shirts and leggings are a bit small or short. She seems to be in the odd stage of being too big for 3-6 month sizes but still too small for 6-9. I bought a few 6-9’s knowing she will soon grow into them. Baby shopping is fun! So many outfits to choose from, so many styles! Lily is oblivious to what we dress her in, I wonder what she would think? I can’t wait till she grows up and discovers her own style for now she’s stuck with what Mum and Dad like. ( Sorry Lils!). But what about me?
That last time I bought myself clothes was when I started to have more of a bump. It was exciting because it’s all new and fun! I knew I would be growing over the next 9+ months and couldn’t wait to see my tummy grow. If you’re pregnant you know the feeling. Being pregnant is beautiful but I sure did struggle with finding things I liked AND were comfy. To me it seemed all pregnancy clothing was not to my taste of quite frankly – ugly! I realised some shops seemed to assume that because you’re pregnant you either want to hide your bump OR didn’t have clothes that made you feel beautiful! Maybe I was looking in the wrong places but that’s how it seemed. Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I’ve given up on my appearances….quite yet haha
I literally wore black leggins and large tops all the time. As I began reaching the 7/8 month mark it became harder and harder to fit into any nice clothes which – really brought me down. I’m being honest, I LOVED being pregnant, it’s a blessing and I wouldn’t have changed it for the world BUT I struggled with how I looked. Yes. I said it. I admit it. I struggggggled. I found it hard seeing other other women who weren’t pregnant looking amazing. I felt huge, I felt fat? I felt insecure. I had to constantly remind myself ” Christie, you’re bloody pregnant! Not fat or ugly!!”. I would look at myself in the mirror and be so happy knowing my baby girl was growing healthily but at the same time, WOW – I’m huge!.
I was worried my partner wouldn’t look at me the same way anymore. Constantly questioning myself about whether or not he thought “wow she’s looks massive, she looks fat, she put on a lot of weight”. It is so stupid now that I can look back because I was growing his child! He didn’t love me any less but more. I was the mother of his future child and seeing me grow was a sign that she was healthy. Of course I shared these feelings with him and him being the amazing guy he is, always reassured me that he loved me and reminded me that I was growing a child at the end of the day.
Now if those feelings weren’t enough, what about after having a baby? Well, I was okay for the first few weeks. There is little time to think about any of that when you’re staring in awe at this precious little human and slowly recovering from an emergency caesarian. Thoughts of my appearance came back when I tried fitting into some of my pre-pregnancy clothes. They just didn’t fit or they just didn’t look right on me anymore. I knew my body wasn’t going to be the same after having a baby, I was prepared for that but I just didn’t realise how much it would affect me? I lost a lot of self-esteem again!
It was hard. After having a caesarian, your body takes time to deal with a) just having a baby and b) healing wounds. I just wanted to go running, I wanted to work out like I used to but I just couldn’t. Working out was always my thing, it helped me release stress and made me feel good but I just couldn’t do it. I had aches and pains in places I never knew they would! I just started to get back to normal when I had to have an emergency operation to get my appendix out so that knocked me back again. Another blow. I had more wounds to heal! Oh god I had enough. I never felt so low. I had stretch marks on my tummy, loose skin, scars from the caesarean and scars in 3 more places from the key-hole surgery. It was a lot for me on top of being a new mum. I cried a lot, I hated my body. I felt all squishy! My hips were different, my weight was different….yeah you get the picture. I didn’t want my partner to see me like that. Oh god, what would he think? I wasn’t the same body he knew before! But like always this was all in my head, nothing had changed, he loved and loves me the same no matter what my body is like now.
I am still on that journey or self love, I am still adjusting almost 6 months later. I know it won’t be easy and these is no quick fix. Right now, my priority is my bringing up my baby as best I can. Self-love is SO important though and going for walking with Lily has helped a lot, it’s some form of exercise! I accept that my body will never be the same as before BUT I know I can do things to help me get back to that body I once knew…or close enough.
Everybody is different, every Body is different. Some people are glad they now have a bit more meat on their bones, some bounce back naturally and some are like me who are slightly struggling. Whichever one you are, know that there are women from all walks of life going through something similar!
Our bodies are amazing, we grew a child! I didn’t even know that I could do this or have the strength to go through labour and delivery, but I did. I am stronger than I realise so I KNOW I will get through this and so will you.
If you’re struggling like me – drop me a line, we can support each other through this. No judgement, just words of support and encouragement.
I end with a quote I saw online from thegoodquote Instagram account and it made an impression on me.
“Love yourself a little extra right now. You’re learning, healing, growing and discovering yourself all at once. It’s about to get magical for you“
Flashback to when I was pregnant and on holiday in Portugal ❤ Can you spot the very very small bloated bump??
I read a lot of stories at the time of people choosing not to travel when below 3 months pregnant and the risk of miscarriage is high. What are your thoughts?
Clearly I decided I’d be fine and I was. The only issue was the heat!! Being already 1 degree warmer because I was pregnant was a little tough during this holiday. Lots of juices and water was consumed. I just wanted a G & T and Mojitos…but hello Fanta Lemon mmmmmm leeeemmooonnn
And seafood?? Uhhhh I just wanted to stuff my face with mussels but I couldn’t as shellfish is a nono during pregnancy. Bye bye Yo sushi 🍣
Shellfish is risky as they can be contaminated with bacteria and viruses if not cooked properly. You’re more prone to food poisoning at this time so one needs to be so careful! It’s also said, some fish (Tuna for example) and shellfish may contain dangerous levels of Mercury which can harm a babies developing nervous system. Whoa. Thank you google!
The list of things I googled that i could and couldn’t eat was unreal! Lots of things were advisory and some seemed to be okay if it was cooked right but other’s deffo a nono. From a girl who loves her food some things I really missed eating.
I’ll put together a quick and easy list of these items for any one who is preggers and isn’t quite sure! I didn’t really know a lot of these things but that’s why I am doing this blog, to help and share!